World’s Worst Novel: Chapter Sixteen

Click to access Worlds-Worst-Novel-Chapter-Sixteen-PDF1.pdf

This entry was posted in RANDOM. Bookmark the permalink.

57 Responses to World’s Worst Novel: Chapter Sixteen

  1. xty says:

    If for any reason you wished to read some of the earlier chapters, the widget to the right is more accurate than the previous chapter posts, and is about to be up-to-date.

    Good morning.

  2. Dude says:

    May I be excused for thinking all these years that a limpet was a fish?

  3. Dude says:

    Would I be alone in first thinking that Dan’s “discomfort” was from a physically embarrassing state, rather than cognitive dissonance?

  4. EO says:

    Not too hot today. Nice day to do some outdoor lard rendering. It will probably take about 6 hours.

  5. EO says:

    Well, that’s the hardest part, cutting up the fat. This is my largest batch ever, over 6# of leaf lard. Probably should yield a good 5# or more of creamy white lard. My 5 qt dutch oven looks a little over full, but it should cook down.

    Not much to do now for a few hours but drink beer and watch football!

  6. Dryocopus pileatus says:

    completely off topic. sorry. but i wanted to save this somewhere while i look into it. things like this tend to disappear. i found the story at ZH. the direct link is here…
    http://www.cftc.gov/stellent/groups/public/@rulesandproducts/documents/ifdocs/rul012914cmecbotnymexandcomex1.pdf

  7. Dryocopus pileatus says:

    page 2 …

  8. Dryocopus pileatus says:

    page 3 …

  9. EO says:

    True. These days, if you REALLY want to save something, saving the link is useless. Need to save a pdf. (Hey! My tinfoil hat still fits!)

    So…you mind giving us the Cliff Notes version? What are your concerns about this CME thing?

    In other news, just getting down to the short strokes on the lard thing.

  10. Dryocopus pileatus says:

    it just proves what everyone already knows i guess. the central banks have broad influence in every financial market. and futures and options provide the most leverage. through swap agreements and such, the Federal Reserve of course can game these same contracts… but why kid, they must have direct access like all the CB’s. so we now have known means, as well as motivation, and rationalization.

    those ginger molasses cookies were amazing EO. they have been added to the rotation.

    did you get your oven fixed?

  11. EO says:

    Yes. Oven is fixed. The igniter was still igniting, so first he tried a new temp sensor. Made no difference at all. So then he put in a new igniter too. Night and day diff. He says usually if the igniter fails, it fails all the way. Mine was only half assed failed, and that made things hard to diagnose.

    So I paid for a temp sensor that I didn’t need, and the igniter. He only charged me labor for the igniter. Fair enough, I guess.

    We were just glad he didn’t have to go to the computer. That would have been major bucks.

  12. EO says:

    That aught to keep us in pie crusts and oatmeal cookies for a while. You can see the popcorn patch out the front window in the background.

  13. Dryocopus pileatus says:

    you can now reseason iron, make cookies, and sooth dry skin. but is it aught or ought?
    i think it’s double aught “00”. ought for should. very nice popcorn.

    :mrgreen:

  14. EO says:

    Soften dry skin. That’s no joke. My hands are as soft as a baby’s behind right now.

    Yeah, I wasn’t sure about aught or ought. Also igniter or ignitor. Such is life. Whatever people use, becomes correct. Not the other way around. That’s how languages morph over time.

    Almost time for the Badgers vs LSU. I just hope we don’t embarrass ourselves.

    friggin squirrels got another cob of corn today.

  15. Dryocopus pileatus says:

    yup. m44 once played there. and squirrels red or grey please stay away.

  16. EO says:

    Just found out my niece’s husband had a heart attack tonight. Bypass surgery tomorrow. 40 years old. Sheesh.

    His doctors told him “You’ve smoked your last cigarette.”

  17. Dryocopus pileatus says:

  18. Dryocopus pileatus says:

  19. Dryocopus pileatus says:

    i still miss marlboro reds. when i started smoking it was still cool. back then even doctors smoked.

  20. xty says:

    I call it when smoking wasn’t bad for you. Good luck to him … odds are excellent especially when young, and doctors do have a way of phrasing things but that is very shocking, and look out for your niece. All the attention will be on hubby, and I remember my mum in a rare burst saying, “It’s always how’s Jack, and never how’s Ann,” and people neglect spouses pain and how they get sick too during something like this.

    That CME document is really just more proof to me of how this game can be played out for a very long time. So now they need more liquidity so they bring in a bunch of new players with a slight house edge. Like playing poker in a casino, and they have fresh players who know each other and you are alone. Now we are just betting mostly on the house again, and skipping out on being the sucker at the table. The slightly lower fees are just like the millisecond earlier delivery of news to certain customers.

    Lard, lots of lard. The other day when we were yammering about cast iron I went on eBay [and assumed the bidders on nice objects were all you guys] and there were specific rendering pans. Most everybody used to render, but it can sure smell up your house and once, I think I told you this before, my dad decided to render down half a pig in our house, finishing off by making head cheese. It is a wonder we had any friends. But the house just stank and then the worst of it was the head cheese was actually delicious though it burned my teenage soul to admit it. They had a gentleman farmer friend and would buy half pigs and quarter cows every now and then that were butchered in a localish butcher shop in Alliston, Ontario and once one of my brothers and I went up alone to fetch whatever chopped up carcass it was, and went into the butcher’s shop and they had matches as a give-away advertisement that had an almost naked girl on the front, and Alliston Meat Market written on them. We watched them saw stuff up, and then put the packages in the car, and took our free matches. It was a standout moment somehow, not much living in a world of naked girls on match covers and blood spattered saws. Classy was not how we felt. But of course we had monsieur vert with us, and it added a certain film noire quality to it all, and we got lost driving of course too.

    Oh, nice popcorn.

    And yes, Dan needing to stand up wasn’t quite in the gutter of my conscious mind, but now that you mention it … it would be a good detail for the B movie version.

  21. xty says:

    Chipmunks have suddenly entered into our urban vermin fest, but I like chipmunks and they were fighting with the black squirrels so it looks like they might be on the good side, and they never ate the cottage like the red squirrels. We had surprising success with our live trapping and after taking away and reuniting three of them it has gotten quieter. But no geranium buds in the back yard.

    http://www.havahart.com/store/live-animal-traps/small

  22. xty says:

    And without even rapping me over the head with a spoon, hubby happily uses my homemade bird food as bait. I know, there is a connection to be made here somewhere, but it eludes me ….

  23. EO says:

    Yes, it does stink up the house. That’s why I do the bulk of the work outside on the camp stove.

    The Doc also said something about cutting down on red meat. Neither of us smoke, but now Mrs. O is going to be on Diet Jihad for a while around here. Crap. We were planning steaks for Monday. Now we’ll have to have brown rice with it instead of potatoes, I suppose. And isn’t it the height of irony that this happens on a day where we just filled our freezer with lard?

    Market manipulation. I’ve arrived at a peaceful place by deciding that I don’t need to have an opinion about it. I just need to stay on the right side of the trend. Manipulation, if it exists, is also part of the chart.

  24. xty says:

    The manipulation does exist, that letter is a good example of it. But it is part of the chart – I suppose knowing that the liquidity of the Comex is assured would be another way of looking at it, and I would think that would be their thinking. Trading commodities is a big player game anyhow – we have a friend in the tea business and you should hear them talk about coffee and how the big coffee users have to try and establish consistent pricing by hedging against the future etc. It isn’t that they are evil … yes, they want low prices, but mostly they want consistent prices in an inconsistent field. Same goes for users of precious metals, etc. The pricing is not based on trading per se. And the moral is invest in Starbucks, don’t try to hit a home run investing in raw coffee. I still think gold is different from other commodities but I have ceased to worry about its present value.

    Oh, and it is ought. Aught means both all and nothing, as in zero. For aught I know about it, that is.

    aught1 or ought (ɔt)
    n.
    1. anything whatever; any part: for aught I know.
    adv.
    2. Archaic. in any degree; at all; in any respect.

    [before 1000; Middle English; Old English āht, āwiht, ōwiht=ā, ō ever + wiht thing, wight1]

    aught2 or ought. (ɔt)

    n.
    a cipher (0); zero.

  25. xty says:

    Hey, it turns out that the html code for super script worked in the comments!

    That is < sup > er!

  26. xty says:

    How about typewriter font?

    Oh, and of course you may be excused for thinking a limpet is a fish – we went to a conch farm in the Turks and Caicos 25 years or so ago, and learned all sorts of fascinating things about molluscs, and watched with baited breath as a flipped young conch righted itself over the course of twenty minutes or so. We also learned about Veliger Conch:

  27. xty says:

    You know when you get an arm trapped when sleeping and can only move the end a little helplessly? We call that being a veliger conch.

    My daughter mentioned the other day that all my terms of endearment for her referred to something edible, and now I realize that it extends even to lovingly comparing ourselves to molluscs. Yikes.

  28. EO says:

    Mostly I figure that the guys who are losing money complain about manipulation, and those who are making money, don’t. It’s human nature. If I’m right, it’s because of my own special genius. If I’m wrong, I have to externalize it.

    It can’t be my own fault, and I’m not really wrong, dammit, it’s because of some outside nefarious forces manipulating the market against me and defying the righteous gods of sound theory and analysis, the criminal bastards that they are, they’ll get their comeuppance one day, so I’ll just keep doubling down on my losing position and then when all the chickens come home to roost I’ll be rich, rich, rich beyond my wildest dreams, and better yet, vindicated for all to see, and those mindless amoral sheep will all grovel at my feet and worship my wisdom and courage.

    Same thing in real estate. If I made money, I’m special. If I lost money, well damn the Fed, damn Fannie Mae, and Bank of America screwed me, by the way…

    Stock pundits all get savaged the same way. A guy like Cramer can make a hundred good calls, and offer tons of sound advice. If I buy something he recommended, and I make a buck, it’s because I did all my own analysis and I get all the credit. If I lose money, well that sumbitch Cramer is a fraud and a pumper who literally stole from me and I’ll never trust him again.

    If I get a record popcorn crop, it’s because I am freaking awesome! If not, damn those squirrels.

  29. xty says:

    It tells me I can and have resized those two photos of EO’s lovely lard, but it doesn’t seem to actually take effect, so I am going to be so bold as to see if I can move them further down the thread.

  30. xty says:

    Apparently not, and I am going to leave my limpet up for another day anyhow as a perfectly respectable Word of the Weekend.

    We lived a heart healthy life because of my dad, but they kept changing the rules. The most important thing is blood pressure I am convinced, especially after my mum’s stint in the cardio ward in Toronto. And the nasty hard fat around the belly, that is caused by the stress hormone cortisol more than by specific food intake, except for hard alcohol which is very complicit in this type of weight, and creates the pregnant look in some older men. So the correct sodium and fluid intake is crucial and sad to say red meat does seem to be a problem in quantity. So it is an excuse to eat small cuts of better beef. Butter is healthier than margarine no matter what oleo salesperson has had the ear of the medical profession.

    I have a close relative who had a spike in blood pressure that didn’t go away after getting knocked off his bicycle. He ended up on meds and didn’t accept that this was somehow a permanent change, and although far from heavy set he lost twenty pounds and is back to normal. And he did it mostly by avoiding carbs, so you end up eating a lot of quinoa and learning to like it, with a shrimp or two thrown in. But it sure tastes better than Lipitor.

  31. xty says:

    This is an excellent cookbook. We got it because of Dad, who had his second heart attack the year this came out. I just sent my much thumbed copy home with my daughter, and didn’t it get pulled off the shelf at the in-law’s cottage, to make the orange ring sponge cake that is incredibly delicious and has no fat in it at all. We lived out of this when first married, and I could (and probably will) rant and rave about some of the recipes.

    Anne Lindsay’s Smart Cooking

  32. EO says:

    Mrs. O just went out to get her paper, and found three more cornstalks wiped out. At this rate, half our crop will be gone before we can harvest.

    I’ll try putting my bunny fence back up, but I know a squirrel can be up and over that thing in a flash. But we have to try something even if it can only change the dynamic ever so slightly. Probably 10-15 years of growing popcorn and we’ve never had anything like this.

  33. Dude says:

    Bate – Merriam-Webster Online
    http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/bate
    Merriam‑Webster
    to reduce the force or intensity of : restrain . 2. : to take away : deduct. 3. archaic : to lower especially in amount or estimation. 4. archaic : …

  34. xty says:

    And unfortunately re-hoarding, but we have crappy plastic chairs out back or they would be beautiful at the cottage, and with a little tlc, i.e. a good hosing, a little bit of glue and some paint, these should look marvellous. They really don’t make things like they used to, and my fondness for awesome old wicker grows. Those are wooden beads around the top of the back.

  35. xty says:

    I forgot to say the chairs were ten bucks each at St. Vincent’s. And I got this beautiful saw for only $5. Somehow all the wood saws seem to have migrated to the other cottage, Thing I, and this is much cheaper than niggling with a sibling over old saws.

  36. xty says:

    Here is the handle. It has someone’s name, Don Garvey, written in sharpie on the other side. R.I.P. seems more than appropriate!

  37. EO says:

    A light bulb just went on, and I wonder if maybe foxes are the culprit. We’ve had squirrels all along, and never a problem with the corn. What is different this year? We are seeing foxes with some regularity. Never had that before.

    This is no help at all as far as what to do about it. Maybe the fence will help more than I thought.

    Here is a picture I took right out the living room window.

  38. xty says:

    EO – that is war. I think you don’t need a bunny fence, you need a full blown hare fence. What about cayenne pepper?

  39. EO says:

    Well, the damage seems to be more than double what we thought. A fourth stalk was down on the far end, and four more on the interior are still upright, but with cobs gone.

    Foxes are pretty light on their feet, but there are a couple of suspicious looking possible tracks. I’m guesstimating that losses are already approaching 20%.

    I put the fence back up, and put out my old home made pointing dog silhouettes, from back in my bird dog training days.

    Maybe I’ll go personally pee a perimeter. After dark though… 🙂

  40. EO says:

    Dog pee and poo have been strategically placed, as part of our arsenal. Jenny, especially, had her hackles up while sniffing out the scene of the crime.

    Just yesterday she went ballistic when she saw Br’er Fox go trotting up the road. She knows.

  41. Dryocopus pileatus says:

    wow. a lot of posts since my last beer and post last night.

    just to clear the air, ahem, pun, i have not smoked in many years, not really since my twenties, except for an occasional bummed one. but i still think about it sometimes, so the itch never does go away. i still remember the sweet smell of fresh cigarettes. they do say smell memory lasts the longest.

    EO – racoons seem more likely than fox. the other critter that likes to knock down the whole stalk are turkeys. i am sure you have them in town there by now. i didn’t think fox bothered corn, but who knows? i haven’t looked into that. maybe you should get a trail cam so you can catch your nemesis in the act.

    i posted the CME stuff at Trader Dan’s and there has not been a single comment. the crew over there is too far the other way – they either deny manipulation completely, or say it has little effect on trading. i land in the middle as usual. i invested based on fundamentals, so of course the manipulation screwed me. i have no doubt that the CB’s have and continue to suppress the metals, as well as prop up the broader markets. the problem with the doomers is that they claimed that the FED would be unsuccessful in these endeavors. wrong! of course i still believe this ultimately ends very badly.

    have you guys noticed how much e-bay has changed? it is next to impossible to get a good deal anymore. oh well, i have enough stuff already… especially cast iron.

  42. EO says:

    Whether raccoon or fox, it looks like the little buggers took the night off.

    That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.

  43. Dude says:

    POTUS can FEEL it.

  44. Dude says:

    The w.o.d. etymology has it all backwards. #6 should be #1. Video for illustration purposes only- certainly not to glorify Army Antics (I’m a lover, not a fighter), although I would deem it quite acceptable to hear it in a John Wayne movie.

  45. EO says:

    Yo, home grown apples and home rendered lard.

  46. Dryocopus pileatus says:

    i tried to get a decent picture. no can do. trust me, there is a lot of smoke, and some meat in there.

  47. xty says:

    Why didn’t supwork? You need to start and stop it, and there is no space between the greater than/less than symbols, I just typed it like that so it would show.

  48. xty says:

    < sup > sup < /sup> but without the spaces. As in what’sup
    typewriter is < tt >
    and I think strike might work strike?

  49. xty says:

    And can we get down with a sub?

Comments are closed.