I am not sure why parents do this to their children, and we were no exception until self-awareness and being met with the same behaviour from our children got in the way and made it much more effective if less efficient to listen and think before just saying no. Kidding aside, we found we said no automatically, 90% of the time. Once we learned to pause for a moment, it became possible to say yes to all sorts of things that were wonderful overall, if somewhat trying during certain minutes. The band in the basement comes to mind.
There is just something contrary in human nature it would appear, an instinctive desire not to engage in whatever is being proposed, or to criticize it even if not being asked to engage. “Oh, I wouldn’t do that …” A risk averse instinct, but when overactive it is extremely limiting. I do it to myself all the time, preferring safety to risk, and as I get older fear physical injury like mad because a) these old bones don’t heal so fast, and b) the accumulated knowledge of consequence acts as a serious anchor. Let alone a major hermit-like character flaw.
But [and this is not directed at anyone personally, a collective observation!] recently I have been met with a more complex twist on this desire to shut down another’s plan [I will have to consider whether I actually also do this to myself. Yes, a nano second of reflection answers, but that isn’t important right now, says I. [You would, says ed.]] and that is physical thwarting. Having to put that pile of dirt on top of the recently planted garden … an ancient wound that was my first specific recognized encounter with this irrational behavioural characteristic. It would seem whiney to continue with examples, obviously drawn from my personal experience, but you will recognize it in yourself as you tidy away something someone else uses daily, while stepping over your own personal pile of mess.
It is also possible to time-shift thwarting, as when someone comes home and tells you about something they did and you immediately tell then how you would have done it better. Men are awesome for this. “Hey Joe, check out my new Licketty-Split Log Splitter. Only [and it does not matter what price you mention] at Canadian Tire.” “You paid how much? They were only [up to 50% less, or they’ll know you are lying] last week at Pneu Canada, and they had the X-Plicity-Splitter, 27Z, which is water cooled.”
Where thwarting meets undermining! It comes out as a verbal tick, too, when one responds “No, but …” instead of “Yes, and …” even though about to add a corroborating anecdote to a conversation. Just wait and listen. They do it … you do it … My mum actually would say “yes, no …” to many things, and alternatively, “no, yes …” so we were left on the teeter-totter of decision, conversationally.
Better to be left on the fulcrum, than always dropped down. Even better perhaps to adopt the anti-Nancy Reagan slogan, and Just Say Yes, to dresses, drugs and druthers.
Speaking of negative behaviours and people one has encountered in the past, when I put up new media a window comes up that shows maybe the last twelve images uploaded, by you folks as well as by me, and that flag showed up again, and I have to say, stupidity rains supreme because the asshat I now realise has cut of his right arm, which is holding the sword. Even Monty Python would have trouble filming that manoeuvre, and the question, “what next?” certainly comes to mind. Quick, reach out and grab the sword with your remaining left hand, and accidentally slice it off at the wrist with your detached right arm, and fight the rest of the revolution with your lips.
And having just posted the song Mama Don’t Allow as the SoD, I have to say that once I made a sign that said Vote Pumpkin, and put it on the lawn, but only because I had made a family of pumpkin people, full-sized already, and there happened to be a federal election and other odd people were advertising for whom they would vote, despite the absolute treasured necessity of a secret ballot. I want to put a little sign that says “Flushing Meadows” on the rocks I have strategically set up for canine micturation, but am not allowed. So I don’t think a bloody arm holding a sword would get past the style censors. Just sayin’, and saying no!
well, my utoob sound is still muted on my pc and the volume on my mac is so low I can’t even hear It, but I found an alternate source. anyway, this tune is for angie & taxi and the weed on that houseboat.
Dude…maybe a “dental floss tycoon”, Woodpecker and I are both looking for work and would be very helpful.
one from a lady and a song that I love.
Who needs a jukebox! Good morning. I really am not at my best, but at least my salivary gland is not so infected. What a ludicrous extra! And it must have been going on for months – but of course when a middle aged woman has a lot of sweats and chills everyone just steps gently away. And I have felt like poop for years, especially after the operation in 2012, so you don’t really notice one more thing …
I want to go in for a check up, but like a car gets – fluids flushed out and replaced, things inflated that need inflating, oiled that need oiling. Bulbs replaced. Maybe even a new air filter. The whole enchilada.
Pete, I am sure you have tried everything by now, and I don’t mean to treat you like a nitwit but just a quick question. If you plug headphones into the mac is the sound still muted?
And I forgot detailing. I could really use some detailing.
Instant negative- maybe because we all deep down inside are still 2 year olds. That’s when it manifests itself most naturally. We hedonists have learned to quickly factor equations, and will say yes to most anything that offers more x(pleasure) than y(cost to obtain).
Your example of how men strive for one-upmanship exemplifies why I have more women friends than men. The competitive unsubjugated male ego can simply not listen to anything all the way through without breaking in or all the while thinking of what they will say next. It comes from supreme self-centeredness. My father was a good example- we used to have weekly phone conversations where I would yearn for news of family and friends only to hear him go on about himself. We used to have a saying “if it didn’t happen to Howard, it didn’t happen”.
I can comment as well on the torment of torpor that leads to ennui. Since 1991, I have had recurrent bouts of chronic bronchitis. A slight sniffle for most becomes for me three weeks of coughing and low grade fever. Ah well, in my usual glass half full motto, it gives me an excuse to double down on 80 proof meds which actually does seem to help a bit.
On another half full note, I railed the other day about those pernicious potato pests, but the next day we enjoyed our first red ripe luscious tomato of the season and the sweet corn looks to just a couple of days from readiness. For the most part, life as a semi-hermit on this semi-farm is pretty good. (cough)
Side note to the unaware and curious- a trip to Urban Dictionary in quest of “semi” is amusing.
I said just the other day that I knew I was acting like a whiney two year old – complete with snotty nose.
I noticed that in my above equation I left out “t” which is duration. Thus when deciding yes or no, calculate the yes potential as x(pleasure) + t(duration) > y(cost). You can just use the mnemonic device of “xty” to remember it.
This article was a total “Jaw Dropper” to me. I had no idea just exactly how gargantuan Apple was, compared to everything else. For example, based on quarterly revenue, the iPhone, all by itself, is as big as McDonald’s and Coca-Cola combined. And that’s just for starters.
http://www.slate.com/blogs/moneybox/2014/07/22/apple_earnings_iphone_revenues_are_as_big_as_amazon.html
And xty, I’m not sure what to say about a woman of 50-ish, but it has become an article of faith in our family, through repeated experience, for women over 70-ish, that anytime anything seems “off”, it almost always seems like a UTI is involved. An old lady falls…yup, UTI. It’s like clockwork.
Last week, my Mom told me she’d been sick for about 4 days, some run o’ the mill head thing, and I told her “go get checked for a UTI”. So, I take her in, and the doc doesn’t want to do it, it seems silly for a little sniffle, but he does it just to keep her happy, and guess what? UTI! Let’s serve up another round of antibiotics please.
Mom says “I never even thought about it”. And I say, “Yeah, you never thought about it last time either, until you plopped on the floor.”
Fun read- http://www.sportsonearth.com/article/82528730/all-american-meal-of-a-hot-dog-is-under-seige-at-americas-ballparks#!bkDUYo
and buried in the comments are these two gems: #1 “My other daughter is never satisfied unless he (sic) has a foot long
#2 (if you prefer ketchup over mustard)
Puttin’ out my own w.o.d.- the macabre “ossuary”. Seen at Flickr, a guy I follow is touring Eastern Europe and posted a picture of this place: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sedlec_Ossuary
There are youtube vids for those brave enough.
And now this- we met with a gal yesterday my wife used to babysit for way back when, named Suzanne so of course when gardening today I got the urge to revisit Leonard as it had been 25 years or so.
Ah, music to be depressed by. Here’s another gem from Obscured by Clouds:
People like to rag on Buffett. One word response: #winning
I will rag on that Buffett for being an anti-semite and having completely lost all understanding of what life is like for most people on this planet. Having the most shamoollies is not necessarily winning. Charlie Sheen thought hookers and coke meant winning. Not that that means you shouldn’t make money off his stock, but the man himself is a toad, even if he makes others rich while he grows his mound.
Now here’s another Buffett that people like to rag on, that I prefer: