Those aren’t my rules …

Have you ever tried to raise a teenager, or train an unruly dog [ducking, quickly] and found yourself being completely arbitrary?  It is a bad moment, and with any luck you didn’t take the opportunity to dig in your heels and make a complete ass out of yourself. But while one of the pleasures of being a parent is getting to be boss, most of what you are trying to impart is not stuff you just made up on a whim.  Some is detritus of your parent’s parenting, and with any luck that isn’t too detrimental to your endeavours.  But much of what one encounters and tries to convey are life’s rules.  The ones, unfortunately, that I didn’t make up, and cannot therefore change.

When we were impressionable youths imprisoned at the cottage during the summers, my dad was big on playing games, most of which were great fun.  I liked crokinole and backgammon myself, and cribbage, being a simple minded soul in many ways.  But sometimes dad stretched the limits, as when he introduced Whif n’ Proof

Nomic on the other hand, which we didn’t really play, certainly informed my thinking about rules.  It is, to quote the creator of the monster, Peter Suber, “a game in which changing the rules is a move.”  There are theoretically both mutable and immutable rules, but you can change an immutable rule ultimately by making it mutable, so there you go … have fun kids.

In life, however, there are immutable rules.  If you are late, you will miss the bus. Mundane but true.  And while it would be nice if we could change some of the laws of physics [just kidding, that would be an unmitigated disaster, just look at the laws we write today] we have to learn to live within certain confines, that are not arbitrary.

I found myself distinguishing to my children as they grew up between my rules and the world’s rules, uttering the statement, “those aren’t my rules”, surprisingly frequently.  I also became aware of the remarkable number of “rules” that society imposed that were arbitrary.  And those it was and is important to challenge, and not just so your kids will think you are cool, but I will take what I can get.

But the bottom line is don’t blame mum for life’s rules.  I just thought I should get that out there before the arbitrarily designated mothers’ day causes massive guilt throughout the land.  It really wasn’t my fault.

And I do like begonias …