Happy Birthday to me …
That said, what a year it has been.
Bought the boat in Cape Cod in January ..
Went to California with a dreaming in my heart in February:
Still visiting mum in March in Ottawa:
Making maple syrup in Penetang in April:
Bye-bye Nana in May …
Getting the boat from Wareham, Mass., still in May:
From the site of the old Cape Cod Shipbuilding Co, which had clearly seen better days:
Fixing the boat back in Ottawa, still in May:
Oh dear in June:
But oh yeah in July! Ottawa, New Brunswick and then Penetang for the in-laws’ 60th:
And then Go Home in August and the cutest nest ever:
And then a lovely and calm fall:
What a wonderful world!
Best wishes to all and sundry …
Please please get help before this gets too full blown. You will lose your family and the friends you haven’t yet alienated. Try to read these, and then look back at your posting for the last week or so. The emphasis below is mine, but the words aren’t. I am really trying to help you and even if you think I am way off base, please, please get professional advice.
Signs and symptoms of mania:
In the manic phase of bipolar disorder, feelings of heightened energy, creativity, and euphoria are common. People experiencing a manic episode often talk a mile a minute, sleep very little, and are hyperactive. They may also feel like they’re all-powerful, invincible, or destined for greatness.
But while mania feels good at first, it has a tendency to spiral out of control. People often behave recklessly during a manic episode: gambling away savings, engaging in inappropriate sexual activity, or making foolish business investments, for example. They may also become angry, irritable, and aggressive—picking fights, lashing out when others don’t go along with their plans, and blaming anyone who criticizes their behavior. Some people even become delusional or start hearing voices.
Common signs and symptoms of mania include:
Feeling unusually “high” and optimistic OR extremely irritable
Unrealistic, grandiose beliefs about one’s abilities or powers
Sleeping very little, but feeling extremely energetic
Talking so rapidly that others can’t keep up
Racing thoughts; jumping quickly from one idea to the next
Highly distractible, unable to concentrate
Impaired judgment and impulsiveness
Acting recklessly without thinking about the consequences
Delusions and hallucinations (in severe cases)
If you spot the symptoms of bipolar depression in yourself or someone else, don’t wait to get help. Ignoring the problem won’t make it go away; in fact, it will almost certainly get worse.
Living with untreated bipolar disorder can lead to problems in everything from your career to your relationships to your health. Diagnosing the problem as early as possible and getting into treatment can help prevent these complications.
If you’re reluctant to seek treatment because you like the way you feel when you’re manic, remember that the energy and euphoria come with a price. Mania and hypomania often turn destructive, hurting you and the people around you.
http://www.helpguide.org/articles/bipolar-disorder/bipolar-disorder-signs-and-symptoms.htm
The experience of these manic stages has been described this way:
Hypomania: At first when I’m high, it’s tremendous … ideas are fast … like shooting stars you follow until brighter ones appear… All shyness disappears, the right words and gestures are suddenly there … uninteresting people, things, become intensely interesting. Sensuality is pervasive, the desire to seduce and be seduced is irresistible. Your marrow is infused with unbelievable feelings of ease, power, well-being, omnipotence, euphoria … you can do anything … but somewhere this changes.
Mania: The fast ideas start coming too fast and there are far too many … overwhelming confusion replaces clarity … you stop keeping up with it … memory goes. Infectious humor ceases to amuse. Your friends become frightened … everything is now against the grain … you are irritable, angry, frightened, uncontrollable, and trapped.
http://www.webmd.com/bipolar-disorder/guide/hypomania-mania-symptoms
And yes, I could ban you – don’t be silly, it is simple technology, and perhaps you should stop suggesting that I do so. It would make my life so much easier. But, once again, we are old friends and I am tenacious, and quite sure of my ground.
i already went to the doctor and i am fine. i went to see a pastor also. i have contacted an Indian spiritual guide as well. so far i am not nuts! it sure does make one wonder when this kind of thing happens. thank you for the self doubt. you are very good. but you are going to lose! i would say you already lost, but i am not certain of that!
Keep Looking Up!
and i love you. i hope that makes you cringe!
that was neat what you did to my e-mail. i have never seen that before, and have no idea how you did it. but your husband is a person who knows how to do such things being so high tech in telecom. it is a shame that he is using his talents for such things. i am envious – i never got to his level in my own telecom career. but i could not play the corporate game.
I don’t have a clue what you are talking about. What email?
it backfired big time. you will see. you will not be able to handle (trick) all the traffic coming to your site. sure, some of these people will think i am nuts. that is how Satan works. but at least a few will have one of those Aha! moments. people that know me well. people that have seen me in the last few days and who know that i am completely sane!
Oh man. Heightened powers, heightened creativity, false superiority, undefined mission, staccato thoughts and writing, the open declaration of love for a young lady, not sleeping but high energy … and attacking an old friend. Jeez louise. And now paranoia. Thinking I am in your head … please please please get sleep, exercise and medical attention. Stop thinking we are having some sort of competition that you could win.
This is ridiculous. Sorry everyone else. I can’t even make my own email work right, and hubby basically pays no attention to this blog and wouldn’t have a clue what your email is, and is currently working on solar and helping the blind see. And what increased traffic? It is way down, probably because I am busy arguing nonsense instead of thinking about more interesting things.
Actually, accusing my husband might be a last straw. Please leave me alone.
i do hope that the servants to the Big Guy in my contact list can bring in some reinforcements. i am battle weary from fighting you. you are the last one aren’t you? is 44 also playing for your team? he has always been so hard to pin down. i would even say he seems slippery. that is a heart based adjective, not cognitive, so you may not understand.
There is no team.
This is very sad.
can you just leave this site up long enough for people to decide about me please. that would be fair play. i really don’t care if they decide that i am bonkers. it is their choice. we all have a choice to make. thank you for playing fair.
and you should whiten your teeth. the devil himself may be better looking than you. sorry, i couldn’t help myself. i never claimed to be a saint! 🙂 🙂 🙂
The odd thing is that it would actually do you a favour to take down these last few days of comments, but you have no insight right now. I think 44 and I were probably your last friends and now you are turning on us because your head isn’t working right, not because we have done anything. I know it would increase your paranoia if I put you on moderation and I actually care about your mental well-being. But I also care about my blog and you have to stop posting for at least 24 hours. Please please please. No more today. Not even an answer to this. Please. You actually need to apologize for many things right now, including whatever bizarre comment that was about your email. So stop.
everything is being saved Xty. but you know that. you cannot rub me out! this becomes fun now. you have lost.
Oh really? what the fuck … okay, I will ban you.
What a sad sad thing, and yes it is all public.
And good morning everyone else.
Well the elves have all left the building and I made Irish stew out of the leftover lamb from my birthday with beer and homemade chicken stock, potatoes, leeks, an onion, carrots and celery and fresh thyme. Delicious and we pretty much ate everything we bought over the last four days. Just a bit of gravlax and some turkey soup left.
And while I jabber on about yummy food, this is the cake my daughter made for my birthday. It is basically like making a mousse but you bake it. Fabulous and rich but no flour and so your belly will love you.
link behaving strangely
http://www.marthastewart.com/344293/flourless-chocolate-cake
There we go.
Good Morning.
I am wondering about addressing what happened above, because I think it is an object lesson in recognizing mania and having been touched, and who in truth hasn’t?, by mental illness, and hating the stigma that comes with it, when in general body health, as if the two were unrelated, is mostly greeted by sympathy and understanding and help whereas when brains are off people shrink away in somewhat justified panic and discomfort, I don’t like to just let it go.
There is a fascinating book called An Unquiet Mind, reviewed here
that I found gripping. Strangely, while a book filled with insight by a PhD in psychiatry who suffers with bipolar, it also demonstrates that lack of insight that can accompany the disorder, especially during manic phases.
There are many resources to be found online, and family and friends have to somehow get the situation in hand for the person who is losing touch with reality, and sadly it is often against their current will, but is essential or they will destroy their families, friendships and possibly finances. I tried not to respond to the personal attacks as they are symptoms of the disease, not deliberate. And I in no way wanted to encourage the conversation, because of all the false connections that get seen when in that state.
Here are a few links in case anyone out there needs a start:
Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (Canadian)
Signs & Symptoms of Bipolar Disorder Mania
Sometimes, a person may seem abnormally and continuously high, happy, expansive and euphoric, or irritable, angry, disruptive and aggressive, for at least one week. If this change in mood is accompanied by at least three of the following symptoms, the person may be in a manic phase of bipolar disorder
exaggerated self-esteem or feeling of grandeur
less need for sleep
increased talking
flight of ideas or racing thoughts
poor judgment
psychotic symptoms …
National Institute of Mental Health (American)
What Is Bipolar Disorder?
Bipolar disorder, also known as manic-depressive illness, is a brain disorder that causes unusual shifts in mood, energy, activity levels, and the ability to carry out day-to-day tasks. Symptoms of bipolar disorder are severe. They are different from the normal ups and downs that everyone goes through from time to time. Bipolar disorder symptoms can result in damaged relationships, poor job or school performance, and even suicide. But bipolar disorder can be treated, and people with this illness can lead full and productive lives.
Good luck to any and all who have these kinds of symptoms. The first and best preventative treatment is probably physical exercise with adequate hydration and then sleep and proper nutrition, but brains need help from the pharmacy too once they are out of balance and there are excellent drugs out there and they are not life sentences or character changers. They are life savers. Don’t think these things will just resolve. Call 911 and don’t apologize if you have a loved one acting bizarrely. Sometimes mental illness can be caused by unusual physical problems, and if you want to freak yourself out read Brain on Fire, about a girl diagnosed with schizophrenia who had an autoimmune disease attacking her brain. A cover to cover read, and gives one much sympathy for those exhibiting unusual behaviours.
Good mornig … some post-Christmas snuffles seem on the horizon.
Gosh I hadn’t realised quite how long that all went on for. Going back through the comments things certainly were getting unhinged around the 18th/19th, and I just found that he called me pure evil on the 24th, leaving a final comment on the previous thread, after the fact I guess. And oddly asks me to fight like a man in the open.
But I must apologize for not being firmer and for indulging him, and had I seen that comment would have banned him sooner. But then perhaps the full meltdown is instructive.
The jesus complex that comes with mania is of serious concern, and many preachers are out there who “just know” that they are right. They are not right. Back in university daze my hubby was in engineering science, and it was a real rule that if you asked someone what they were working on and they said, “you won’t understand”, you pretty much knew they didn’t either. The best ideas are always explicable. Language and thought are chicken and egg, and the shortest theses are often the more transformative.
This does not mean the heart doesn’t speak. But it does mean you shouldn’t follow anyone who can’t do better than “one day you will know”, and you aren’t as smart as me so just trust me. Your own common sense and instinct are incredibly valuable, and the thing you should think when someone says they have the answer but can’t reveal it, is: how quickly should I run? Either away or for help, or both, depending on whether you like the person and how dangerously intent they seem.
Thinking about all the things I have listened to/read this year, and will be bacq with a linked list (imagine telling me what a hyperlink is!) in a little bit. We have been super snowed in, with a plow line at the end of the driveway that is extremely daunting. Thank common sense for the mutual neighbourly snow-blower, an investment by four families many a year ago. But the house is much tidier, and I do like the way traditional holidays often involve a certain amount of shaking the dust out of corners and rearranging the furniture to accommodate guests and trees. [And I do like that I now can spell accommodate after realising (sorry I just like the s better than the z) that it can accommodate both a double c and a double m, just like embarrassing, which embarrassingly I did not realise also had two doubles until this very minute, unlike necessary. A good mnemonic is a very useful thing. As in Kings Prefer Chocolate Only From Good Stores that I made up for kingdom, phylum, class, order, family, genus, species, and am inordinately proud of.
Here’s one for the bipolar’s in the audience. The first sentence is theirs not mine, but I concur:
This is an example of a mnemonic that is commonly used in the real world to remember the symptoms of mania:
Distractibility and easy frustration
Irresponsibility and erratic uninhibited behaviour
Grandiosity
Flight of ideas
Activity increased with weight loss and increased libido
Sleep is decreased
Talkativeness
That being from a site about mnemonics that looks like it might be worth a gander:
The Ignorance Antidote: study skills, mnemonic tricks and productivity hacks.
And I am sure you will be relieved to hear that the Word of the Day archive is now up-to-date.