World’s Worst Novel: Chapter Seventeen

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92 Responses to World’s Worst Novel: Chapter Seventeen

  1. xty says:

    For Pete’s sake

  2. xty says:

    and for those going to the casino on Paradise Island

  3. Dryocopus pileatus says:

    we are having awesome weather for a change which is probably why the comments are on the light side Xty.

    i camped yesterday at a friends. he has some acreage and a pond – the pond itself is over an acre.

  4. Dryocopus pileatus says:

    say Hi to Stella and Grady.

  5. Pete Maravich says:

  6. Dude says:

    Hey 44- good to see ya.

  7. Pete Maravich says:

    Likewise Dude and thank you….beautiful tune. For the longest time now, I can’t figure out why the Cowboys cheerleaders boobs don’t pop out when they bop around on the sidelines.

  8. Pete Maravich says:

  9. Dude says:

    I think you’re suffering from wishful thinking.

  10. Pete Maravich says:

  11. Pete Maravich says:

  12. Pete Maravich says:

  13. Pete Maravich says:

    bit of Jerry EO isn’t your birthday coming soon? :mrgreen:

  14. Pete Maravich says:

  15. Pete Maravich says:

  16. Pete Maravich says:

  17. Pete Maravich says:

  18. Pete Maravich says:

    hi to Woodpecker and a Stones tune that I like.

  19. Pete Maravich says:

  20. Pete Maravich says:

  21. Pete Maravich says:

  22. Pete Maravich says:

  23. xty says:

    Pete – it is called body tape, or they might even use spray on adhesive. I believe there was a major incident once in a Miss America contest when it was discovered someone had used spray adhesive on her bikini bottom to keep her sweet behind mostly hidden, which was against the rules. A proper woman apparently can walk a catwalk in a bikini without tugging at her bottom. In high heels. But cheerleaders need special tricks to keep decent while doing a herkie. I cannot post a picture of my own pumpkin doing such a thing, although her’s was by far the best on the team because of karate, because she would then have to kill me, but I just have to show you how weird a move it was:

  24. xty says:

    Sad Pete, happy cheerleader:

  25. xty says:

    And even better, you can just tape your boobs to be higher up:

  26. xty says:

    I like picture 5 the best. It would work well as a guide to real vs fake as well, although I believe I discovered that men don’t really worry so much about that distinction as us unaltered females, who don’t even use body tape. But when you see a Victoria Secret babe photographed walking out of the water, even the water should be considered suspect, like when they used white glue for milk on the front of a cheerios box. And they lengthen their legs which is really unfair since they are already all six feet tall.

    As you might be able to guess, I raised a daughter and we had to navigate some tough waters because girls do not compete fairly.

  27. xty says:

    btw, the nipple covers are part of the taping, not drawn on for decency’s sake. Got to tape those suckers down too. It should be a party-girl’s motto:

    What you see is not what you get. [And do you have any varsol with you?]

  28. xty says:

    At the end of Grade 12 for my eldest, said daughter, she showed me a picture on Facebook of five of the girls she had gone to school with since about Grade 7, and I had to really focus to recognize most of them. They were all now blonde, with hair straightened, some sort of generic all over tanning booth tan, loads of mascara and little tight party dresses. They looked like clone people, and it was so sad that they had transformed themselves into what they thought was going to get them through life. But all that stuff fades away … and they will wake up married to clone men. And when they meet the other clone mum’s jogging with a Doodle, they will discuss how it doesn’t shed as its number one feature, like it was the white Range Rover they just bought to drive down the street to Starbucks. Just a little rant, but honestly they are tiresome.

  29. xty says:

    So I did a little research, and Johnny Cash’s granddaughter confessed on television that she had used adhesive during the swimsuit competition when she won in 1967!

    http://news.google.com/newspapers?id=NBIPAAAAIBAJ&sjid=aIMDAAAAIBAJ&pg=7207%2C1388028

    and I also found these in the top 20 tips from contestants before the 2013 contest, so plus ca change, etc., etc.,

  30. xty says:

    and how about this practical advice for the beach or pool:

  31. xty says:

    And just to finish on topic, we have #11:

  32. Pete Maravich says:

    just for the record, I prefer natural beauty any day…silicone and plaster does nothing for me and most perfumes make me sneeze.

    good morning.

  33. xty says:

    And there you have it – spray butt glue on your boobs if you want to be just like Miss America. And remember to take some baby wipes to the bathroom or you are going to have some interesting problems, and of course, carry more glue in your beach bag or you will look a little saggy and exposed when you return. And they also mentioned re-using flash eyelashes to keep the cost of being so acceptably pretty down. They get glued on too. To the rim of your eye-lid. Who would glue anything to their eyelid?

    Not Angie, that’s for sure. But she might not be above a little body tape.

  34. xty says:

    The problem with fake is it doesn’t age well. I had an odd conversation once with a very good old male friend who has had serial relationships, and was certainly wounded by his father leaving when he was a teen, about love. And I asked him if he wanted to wake up next to current woman X when she was 80, because he was going on about love and being in love, and he looked at me like I was crazy to think that was part of love. But how could it not be? We will never understand each other until he gets that – and now there is a different woman in his life and people ask me if I like her, and I can’t commit because I know he can’t commit. Just a side tangent, but it cropped up very recently, and being in the now is all very fine and good, but love has to age too.

  35. xty says:

    And good morning – I didn’t see your comment when I went on my little extra rant about butt gluing your boobs.

    I even dislike anti-perspirant, but a little deodorant certainly has its place at times, but even then you have to search for one that goes with your own smell. I do have one perfume that I sometimes wear, but only the one because it seems to smell good on me.

  36. EO says:

    It’s good to have a boob and butt expert in the group. And I, for one, appreciate all the effort that goes into these sorts of things.

    And yes Pete, September is a big month for me, birthday and anniversary all coming up soon.

    And good morning.

  37. Pete Maravich says:

    .ok, I’m laughing and trying to stay out of trouble at the same time. I think anti-perspirant is generally bad for you (everyone) and I agree on the deodorant. certain perfumes go well, I’ll agree. I imagine that you are something fine.

  38. Pete Maravich says:

  39. Pete Maravich says:

    EO, I don’t remember the date of your birthday, only that you are a fellow Virgo ( 17th for me)…wasn’t it just around a year ago that we all got together and started talking?

  40. EO says:

    The 21st. And married on the 29th.

    Yes, I guess about a year here. But honestly, what was here, what was email, and what was PM at the other place all sort of gets to be a blur after a while. The whole saga is getting to be more like 3 years.

  41. Dude says:

    Yeah, Pete- no fake boobs. A certain degree of tonsorial artistry is acceptable though.

    Since we were talking about beauty pageants, I might add that the twin brother of Miss America 1969 was a doctor who delivered two of my three kids. He was just as good looking as she was- I always wondered what went through my wife’s mind in the stirrups.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Judith_Ford

    http://health.usnews.com/doctors/donald-ford-239171

  42. EO says:

    Woodpecker, get out of bed! The gang’s all here!

  43. xty says:

    It looks like October 4th, 2013 is when I fired this back up, right before visiting Newfoundland over Canadian Thanksgiving. Which we celebrate on a Monday, and there is absolutely no link to manic shopping. Just turkey and pumpkin pie and a slice of guilt over what happened to most of the native Americans.

    Hey, what a bunch of fall babies. Offspring #2’s birthday is tomorrow. And just to make you barf, did you know that there is a spike in births in September, it being nine months after New Year’s. We actually noticed when out the other day that there were ripe women everywhere … and then I remembered that tacky fact. I just went and tried to verify that and a cursory glance at UN numbers for Canada and the US shows July, August and September as contenders for highest births, with August and September battling it out for supremacy.

  44. EO says:

    It’s those long winter nights…

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